.CHRISTA-MADHU EINSIEDLER (breaths, walks, loves, serves)
"I walk the path, letting go of images and preconceptions that got created and constructed."
„Uh-huh. Big words you’re using,“ she said.
„What’s big about breathing, walking?“ she shook her head and wiped her hand over the tablecloth. Then her hand stopped in the middle of the movement. „Loving though, that’s a big word. And to serve, that’s...”
„That’s exactly it!“ she interrupted herself. „That’s the point in question, where everything is petty and important at the same time. To serve that’s both, so huge, honorable, almost holly and at the same time so petty, servile, obedient.“ While she talked her forefinger followed the pattern of the tablecloth.
Who wants to serve, seriously serve, she thought. And who, on the other hand, has the right to call oneself a servant to humanity? She thought about Richard Rohr, about Byron Katie. Yes, those serve people. But herself? Who was she to claim such a service? On the other hand, who was she to serve others? Who was she? „Who am I?“ she asked. Her head dropped, it looked like she was searching for an answer in the pattern of the tablecloth.
Isn’t that the ultimate question? Who am I?
To live an answer to this question, to breath oneself through it, to find in every step an answer, with every step a new answer since the answer can only be new, freshly born moment by moment; to love every answer since how can we not love what is; every step a service to life, to humanity.
How to describe who am I?
An attempt:
- I breath; in and out and in and out and in and out
- I walk; I step aside and walk the way
- I love; love is all there is, all being is love
- I serve; life
And sometimes images, preconceptions prevail, and all gets lost beneath the agility, vitality and quickness of an old pattern, an anxiety, fear; breathing quickens, gets more shallow, running starts, hectically, without a goal; judging starts, arising above others appears; running after answers that dissolve before they can be reached; senseless tumbling, judging, fighting, resisting, rejecting, wanting, searching – until I remembers and arises from the insanity and breaths, walks, loves, serves – simply is.
“Uh-uhu. You and your big words. What’s that mean?” she asked. “I mean, practically? Does that say who you are? What you’re doing?” She tapped her forefinger few times on the table. The tablecloth muffled and softened the sound. Then she turned her palms up. “Don’t be so … I don’t know, detached I guess, with your head in the clouds. Just say what you do: business coaching, writing. It’s not that hard, is it?” She shacked her head slightly. “I know, I know… it depends, on the point of view, on the level from which to look at things, on the level of consciousness.”
Smiling she nodded agreement. “What now?” She shrugged her shoulders. Then she laughed out loud. “Now I’ll walk the dog. Walking, breathing, loving, serving.” She got up, blew herself a kiss and walked out of the room. The dog got up too, stretched and ran after her. Wagging its tail, the dog passed her by and his fluffy white fur caressed her bare leg.
